October 13, 2023 5 min read

You get exactly what you expect.

This is how the universe works and is exactly why having a victim mentality is so destructive.

If you feel like nothing ever goes your way and “only bad things happen to me.”

1. You’re wrong.

2. You're playing the victim.

If you want to reframe this negative way of thinking about yourself and your life…

You need to take action to break this negative feedback loop and create a new mindset.

What Does it Mean to Play the Victim?

“Playing the victim” or going through life with a victim mindset is deflecting blame outward.

It’s the polar opposite of accepting responsibility for yourself and your life as is.

At the same time…

It can also be bred from a negative thinking pattern.

Sadly, this is how most people live.

...and it's why most people never become truly great.

Understand this...

Regardless of what you think of yourself and your life…

Whether that be positive or negative…

Your brain will seek out ways to confirm your beliefs and internal dialogue.

People who play the victim go through life with the mindset that they are a victim.

Then, anything that happens to them is rationalized through the lens of being a victim.

The reality is…

We all have struggles.

We all are met with unfavorable circumstances.

We all have to go through hard times.

That doesn’t make any of us victims.

Only your mindset can.

If You Believe You’re A Victim … You Are

If you think you’re a victim…

You’re right.

But you aren’t victimized by other people.

You aren’t victimized by the universe or the world.

You aren’t victimized by God or some higher power.

You are victimized by yourself and your negative thoughts and beliefs.

If you feel like a victim…

It’s because you have trained your brain to seek out information that fits this negative narrative you’ve built around yourself and your life.

Once this negative feedback loop is established...

It can be very difficult to move out of.

Here’s what I recommend you do to break free from the victim mentality…

1. Start Accepting Responsibility

Your life is your doing and your doing alone.

That includes the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Once you understand and accept this as reality…

You can begin to make progress toward changing your life and dismantling your victim mindset.

If you can’t take personal responsibility…

You will always believe that your life is out of your control…

…and when bad things happen to you…

Which they will…

You will feel like the victim.

Don’t fall into this trap.

Accept responsibility for your life and quit deflecting blame externally for the way things are.

It’s you.

Nobody and nothing else.

2. Adjust Your Expectations

Most of the time, our negative thoughts and belief patterns come from our unrealistic expectations.

A lot of people expect that their day is always going to be easy and stress-free.

This is rarely the case.

…and when your expectation is set on everything going smoothly…

Any obstacle or struggle that presents itself is greatly amplified.

Your mind then interprets these challenges as personal attacks which make you feel as if you're the victim.

The reality is, these struggles are a normal part of life.

Does that make sense?

Adjust your expectations.

If you approach every day with the expectation that struggles and obstacles will present themselves…

…and the path ahead is going to be extremely difficult…

You are framing your brain to expect and handle these challenges when they do come up…

Because they’re inevitable for all of us…

Not just you.

The reason you feel like a victim to these obstacles is because you don’t expect them and understand that they are part of the process and journey.

There will always be obstacles you must overcome in life.

It's the nature of the beast.

Expecting a life free of struggle would be no different than expecting a marathon to be easy for you with absolutely 0 training.

It's an arrogant thought.

Things aren’t supposed to be easy.

So quit expecting easy.

Expect a massive amount of struggle and suffering.

Doing so will make every challenge that presents itself far less detrimental for you.

3. Fill Your Brain With Positive Information

If you’re looking to break out of a negative pattern of thinking or you feel as if you’re the victim…

Start reading.

Reading is one of the best ways to break this negative feedback loop because you are filling your brain with positive information.

I’m not telling you to read “Harry Potter” or whatever else people read for fun...

I’m telling you to read a non-fiction book that is intended to progress your skillset, mindset, personal life, or professional life.

These books can give you a ton of perspective.

You'll also learn from the experiences of others who are much further down the road than you.

Just one sentence can completely alter your mindset and way of thinking…

…and I know this is certainly true for me.

When you can detach yourself from the bombardment of negativity in social media and the mainstream media … and instead invest that time and energy into information that will help you become better…

You’ll be amazed at how quickly your mindset will adapt.

4. Start 75 HARD

Let’s be real…

When you are fully immersed in a victim mindset…

It can be extremely hard to move away from this way of thinking.

Sometimes, we just need distractions to keep us from dwelling on the negative experiences that have led us to this way of thinking.

Start 75 HARD.

75 HARD is a program that will force you to get very intentional with your physical and mental health, mindset, and daily execution.

It’s a transformative mental toughness program that will help you cultivate skills such as confidence, self-esteem, self-worth, self-belief, fortitude, and grittiness.

You will be sore.

You will be tired.

You will be busy.


By making your life more difficult, you are creating a situation in which the things that seem hard or bad actually get the volume turned down on them.

You are also placing your focus on personal development which is a great way to start reframing your negative thought patterns.

By adhering to the program…

Every day you’ll be making yourself undeniably better.

This will allow you to look back at the previous day and have an overwhelming feeling of pride and accomplishment.

When you start proving to yourself what you are truly capable of…

You won’t feel like a victim at all…

You’ll feel in control.

That's where 75 HARD can make an enormous impact for you.

Quit Playing the Victim

Most people struggle with constant feelings of pain and suffering because they spend too much of their time on the negative, unfavorable outcomes.

Instead of dwelling on these things and asking yourself, “Why me?” when bad things happen…

Start focusing on what’s good, and how you can improve your current situation.

Start asking “Why me?” when good things happen to you.

This will shift your perspective and help you feel more grateful for your life immediately.

You aren’t a victim.

You just believe you are.

Change those beliefs by taking action.

Doing so will free you from this victim mindset for good.

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